Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
