I seem to have left my pride at pride
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
