Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
