a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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