I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
