i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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