then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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