sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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