I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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