Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
