hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
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