he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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