in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
