Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
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