my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
