So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
