you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
