Little spoons don't ask big questions
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
