I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
