I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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