Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
