Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
