Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
