I'll bet she douches with gravy.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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