we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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