yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
