So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
