maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
