you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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