You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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