i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
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