he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
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Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
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Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.