I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
