mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
