I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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