I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Randomize
