I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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