My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
