If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Randomize
