the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
