drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
