once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
His nipple licking is glorious
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