Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
