Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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