Betty ford says i'm here all night
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Randomize
