my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
