I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize
