the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
