I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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