Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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