a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
My breasts were aching with rage.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
