you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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