No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
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