I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
