Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
