fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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