I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I AM VODKA MAN
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
