When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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