I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Are we still banned from the library?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
