speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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