don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
