wat bout pragnant strippers??
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
