seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
