Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
