I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
