I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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