she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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